The Two Mistakes That Stopped Me in My Tracks

A thoughtful midlife professional pausing at her desk after a demanding week.

This week, I made two mistakes.

I forgot a Zoom meeting.

And I got the date wrong for my own massage appointment.

Reading that back, neither sounds particularly dramatic. Nobody was hurt. Nothing catastrophic happened. Both situations could be sorted.

But they stopped me in my tracks.

Because I don’t normally do things like that.

And instead of simply thinking, “I’ve made a couple of mistakes,” my mind immediately went somewhere much bigger.

I can’t cope.

I’m doing too much.

I’m burning out.

I need to shut everything down and disappear for a while.

And, perhaps most painfully:

I’ve failed.

But the mistakes weren’t really the problem

When I looked at what had been happening around me, perhaps it wasn’t surprising that a couple of things had slipped.

The last few months have carried a lot.

I’ve been approaching the anniversary of losing my best friend and partner, while continuing to navigate life and business without him.

I’ve been working through an unexpected amount of red tape around developing my Thanda Wena Reset experiences.

There’s been the usual mountain of administration that comes with running businesses, a tax return that needs submitting, clients to look after, decisions to make and plans to develop.

I regularly talk about running two businesses, although in reality there are another two ventures quietly sitting in the background too – Tropic Skincare and NCFotos

There are a lot of plates spinning.

And apparently, two of mine wobbled.

Several ceramic plates being balanced, with two beginning to wobble

The interesting thing wasn’t really that I had forgotten a Zoom call or written down the wrong date.

It was what I told myself those mistakes meant.

Two mistakes suddenly became evidence that I was failing.

I work with people who are stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted and in pain.

I talk about recognising the warning signs.

I understand the importance of regulating the nervous system, creating space, resting and noticing when our capacity is becoming stretched.

Yet when it happened to me, I didn’t immediately offer myself that same understanding.

I catastrophised.

Two very human mistakes became evidence, in my mind, that I couldn’t cope.

And once that thought had taken hold, it started a downward spiral.

Maybe I was completely burnt out.

Maybe I couldn’t manage everything.

Maybe I needed to get away from everything.

Maybe I should shut things down.

It’s remarkable how quickly an overloaded mind can turn “I made a mistake” into “I am a failure.”

Then somebody reminded me of something very simple

I spoke to my mentor and business coach.

And amongst everything we discussed, he reminded me:

I’m human.

Humans forget things.

Humans get dates wrong.

Humans make mistakes.

And making a mistake doesn’t make me a failure.

That conversation didn’t magically remove everything from my plate. I still have businesses to run. The admin hasn’t disappeared. The tax return still needs doing. The red tape still needs navigating. And grief doesn’t work to a convenient timetable.

But my perspective changed.

Instead of asking:

“How do I escape from all of this?”

I started asking:

“How do I look after myself while living the life I’ve chosen?”

And that feels very different.

Self-care shouldn’t only begin when we can’t cope anymore

This has made me think a lot about the way we talk about rest, burnout and self-care.

How often do we give ourselves permission to stop only when we have reached the point where we need to?

We wait until we’re exhausted before resting.

We wait until we’re overwhelmed before asking for help.

We book the massage because our back has become unbearable.

We take the holiday because we desperately need to “get away”.

We create a justification for looking after ourselves.

But what if we didn’t need one?

What if doing something lovely for yourself didn’t have to be earned through exhaustion?

Which brings me to South Africa

I have a trip to South Africa coming up.

Originally, I planned it because I am turning 50 and I wanted to do something special for myself.

Somewhere along the way, particularly during this recent downward spiral, I started reframing it.

I began thinking:

Thank goodness I’m going away. I need to escape. I need to recover. I need to get away from everything.

And yes, I’m tired.

Yes, having space will probably do me a lot of good.

And yes, I am very much looking forward to stepping away from some of my normal responsibilities.

But I’ve realised something important.

That’s not why I’m going.

I’m going because I want to.

I’m going because South Africa means something to me.

I’m going because I am turning 50.

I’m going because I want adventure, experiences, laughter, rest and time for myself.

And perhaps most importantly:

I’m going because I deserve to do something lovely for myself without first having to reach breaking point.

That is a very different story from escaping because I can’t cope.

An open journal overlooking the South African bushveld at sunrise.

And perhaps that’s what a real Reset should be.

This experience has actually strengthened my thinking around the Reset experiences I’m developing through Thanda Wena, as well as the work I already do through NP Therapies.

A Reset shouldn’t be somewhere you come because you’ve failed at coping with life.

It shouldn’t be the emergency exit you reach for when you have absolutely nothing left.

And it certainly isn’t about disappearing from your life.

For me, Reset. Restore. Reconnect. is increasingly about creating enough space to hear yourself again.

To notice what’s happening before the warning lights become an emergency.

To step away from constantly doing and remember what it feels like simply to be.

To receive support rather than always being the person providing it.

To rest because rest feels good.

To have experiences because you want them.

To reconnect with the parts of yourself that can become buried underneath responsibilities, work, family, grief, expectations and everyday life.

And then to return to your life with more space and capacity, rather than feeling that the only solution is to escape from it.

I’m still learning this too

Perhaps that’s one of the most important things I can say.

I’m not creating Reset experiences because I’ve somehow perfected the art of managing stress.

I haven’t.

I still sometimes take on too much.

I still have to recognise my own warning signs.

I still occasionally need someone else to remind me to give myself the same compassion and support I would give a client.

And apparently, I can still forget a Zoom meeting and turn up for a massage on the wrong day.

But maybe that’s precisely why this work matters so much to me.

Because I understand what it feels like to be the person who looks perfectly capable on the outside while underneath the surface there’s an awful lot of paddling going on.

The difference I’m working towards is noticing it sooner.

Not panicking.

Not judging myself.

Not immediately deciding I need to abandon everything and run to the ‘Cave’, a concept from Andy Baker’s book The Momentum Room.

Just recognising:

I‘ve got a lot on my plate at the moment. What do I need?

And sometimes what I need isn’t another strategy, productivity tool or item on my to-do list.

Sometimes I need to do something simply because I enjoy it.

So perhaps there’s another warning light we should pay attention to

Not just:

“Am I approaching burnout?”

But:

“When did I last do something purely because I wanted to?”

Not because it was productive.

Not because somebody else needed it.

Not because you’d finally reached the point where you couldn’t carry on.

And not because you’d earned it.

Simply because it brought you joy, peace, connection, adventure, indulgence or pleasure.

Choosing to live rather than escape

My two mistakes initially made me think I needed to escape my life.

Instead, they’ve reminded me that I need to make sure I’m living it.

So South Africa isn’t my escape.

It’s something I’m choosing for myself.

And I intend to enjoy it.

Perhaps you don’t need to escape either.

Perhaps you just need to start giving yourself permission to be included in the life you’re so busy looking after.

What would you choose to do for yourself if you didn’t have to wait until you needed it?